


Drinking of the Green

by lyricalsoul



Series: Mycroft's In Love [6]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, all talk, naughty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-18
Updated: 2012-03-18
Packaged: 2017-11-02 04:05:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/364780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lyricalsoul/pseuds/lyricalsoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very thoughtful Lestrade leaves a gift for very suspicious Mycroft. A conversation is had, and understandings are come to.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drinking of the Green

**Author's Note:**

> Again, thanks for all the kudos and comments. Every one is drooled over and tucked away in my memories box.

"What is this?”

“Mycroft?”

“Don’t be obtuse, Detective Inspector.”

“Oh, hell… what’s wrong? I thought you were in… somewhere… today.”

“Italy. Tonight.”

“Well, I’d love a case of some good olive oil, if you’re bringing souvenirs.”

“Why would there be souvenirs from a teleconference? And don’t think you can distract me by talking about oil.”

“Distract you? Mycroft, I know that you think at speeds unknown to mankind, but the rest of us mere mortals need a bit more information to go on.”

“Yes, well. Apologies.”

“…”

“And I didn’t mean to imply… I’m sorry for calling you obtuse.”

“…”

“And for calling you Detective Inspector.”

“Yeah, okay then. What’s got you all riled up?”

“I am not ‘riled up’. I am disturbed by the green monstrosity in the refrigerator with my name on it.”

“What, the Buzz? I left it there. You can stand down. Crisis averted. Step away from the red phone.”

“Very amusing. That thing in the refrigerator is… green.”

“Yes, it’s green. It’s your St. Patrick’s Day treat. It’s a smoothie that I got from this shop. It’s a Buzz.”

“I’m not Irish. And I do not like green drinks. Especially ones with illogical names.”

“Green tea?”

“No.”

“Midori? Crème de menthe?”

“No, and no. No green drinks. I do not like them.”

“You do not like them, Sam I Am? Would you drink them in a house? Could you, would you, with a mouse?”

“Are you drinking this early?”

“No. That’s Dr. Seuss.”

“Doctor who?”

“Not Doctor Who, Dr. Seuss.”

“The name of the doctor is irrelevant. I do not drink green beverages. They remind me of a brute of man named Dirk, who insisted that my exercise regime include conquering a sand dune. He took great pleasure in my…aversion to sweating, and ‘rewarded’ my progress by providing me with a green concoction made from sea kelp, and other vile, green things. Unfortunately, I was in no position to refuse the exercise, nor the beverage. Even the memory makes me gag.”

“What did you do to Dirk? After, I mean.”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? Come on...”

“Well, he may or may not have found himself aboard an ice-cutter. Depends on who’s telling the story.”

“I suppose there are worse things than Death Valley.”

“I’m sure there are.”

“So, green drinks, men named Dirk, and sand dunes go on the list of Mycroft’s Most Hated things.”

“Not that I don’t appreciate the thought, of course.”

“John said it would be good for you. He’s a doctor.”

“He’s not my doctor. Nor are Doctors Who or Seuss.”

“You’ve never read Green Eggs and Ham? It’s a kid’s classic.”

“There were no children’s books in our home. My father considered them frivolous, and banned them.”

“Explains a lot.”

“Gregory, don’t sulk. It is unbecoming.”

“I’m not sulking. I just don’t understand why… I’m only trying to look after you. You work all hours of the night, and you don’t sleep much.”

“You’re not my doctor, either.”

“Now, look-”

“Goodness, Gregory, you are rather excitable today. Perhaps I should have remained in the shower with you a bit longer and provided more…soaping.”

“That would have been nice, but stop trying to distract me. I don’t understand your aversion. It’s not vile. I drank it.”

“Well that’s a ringing endorsement, if ever there was one. Please tell me what is in this…Buzz.”

“You don’t know? Can’t tell by the way the particles are forming on the side of the glass?”

“I suppose it would be futile to remind you that I am not clairvoyant, but simply observant?”

“Semantics. What do you observe, then?”

“There is ice, of course.”

“Astonishing, that.”

“I could hang up.”

“You won’t because you like indulging me.”

“More like I am becoming soft. I may have to start a war just to prove you don’t hold my bollocks in your pocket.”

“Well, not in my _pocket_ …”

“Gregory, please.”

“Sorry. Go on, then.”

“Very well. The green is either kale or spinach, though I do so hope it is spinach, because I despise kale. To make it palatable, there is fruit –peaches, maybe an orange, and a banana for texture. Some type of fruit juice for the sugar, since sweetening it would defeat the purpose. Some type of vitamin boost was added to give it the name Buzz. Blended on high speed for…three minutes, maybe four. There are other minor details, such as the type of blender it was made in, and the questionable freshness of the peaches, but I won’t bore you.”

“Nearly perfect.”

“Nearly?”

“Yes, and don’t get all depressed because you missed some points. I’m giving you a pass because I know your heart wasn’t in it, it being green and all.”

“How gracious.”

“I didn’t make it, I bought it. Put it in a glass because you don’t strike me as a man who drinks from a straw. And there’s ginseng, protein and green tea powder in it.”

“Even more reason not to drink it.”

“Mycroft.”

“No.”

“It will give you energy.”

“And here I thought you were getting to know me.”

“For later.”

“Tempting, but really… ginseng?”

“Sharpens the mind, provides mental acuity.”

“Then perhaps you should drink it."

*click*

“Yes?”

“Did we lose our connection?”

“One could say that.”

“Well, I did call you back. Quite benevolent of me, really.”

“What, people don’t hang up on you?”

“I have found that _people_ tend to consider the consequence of such an action before succumbing to the impulse.”

“I’m not people. And you can’t send me off to Siberia or Death Valley. You’d miss me too much.”

“Most assuredly. And no, you are not people.”

“Then act like it.”

“Gregory, it can’t have escaped your notice that I am a man of habit and routine. I am rather resistant to change.”

“Shocking, that.”

“I suppose I deserve your sarcasm, but you have to look at it from my side. You are slowly invading my space, my mind, and it unnerves me at times.”

“If it’s too fast, just say so, and I’ll back off. Would hurt, though. If that matters.”

“Of course it matters. And no, I don’t want you to back off. The speed at which the relationship is progressing is perfect. But…”

“What?”

“It makes no sense to me that you should want… me.”

“Didn’t we have this conversation last week? I thought I made myself clear.”

“You did, and while I am clear on the salient points of your feelings for me, you should understand that there’s not much about me that will change any time in the near future. Alas, I am built for comfort, not for speed.”

“And…?”

“And nothing. I felt you should know that this… is what you have.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“I am telling you this so we don’t have a misunderstanding later. I am not Sherlock. I don’t have half his energy.”

“You're thinking that I want you to drink an energy potion because I want you to be like Sherlock? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard.”

“I didn’t say it was your motivation, but it is not an uncommon supposition. People do expect me to be like him. And it wouldn’t be the first time someone has switched their…interest from him to me, upon learning that he was oblivious.”

“To be so smart, you can be incredibly dense sometimes. And you really, really think too goddamn much. Shit.”

“You are very excitable.”

“You make me that way.”

“I understand how it sounded. I apologise.”

“Show me. Drink it.”

“It’s green. And it is called Buzz. I do not need a burst of anything, let alone energy.”

“I only got it because Sally brought one for me yesterday, and I thought you’d like it. I didn’t realize you’d think that I was trying to get you to go dashing around town at breakneck speed, solving crimes with me.”

“You gave me a health shake. Called Buzz. You obviously think I am in need of an energy boost. There were several conclusions from which to draw, so I chose the most logical one.”

“Was simply thinking ‘how thoughtful’ and drinking it one of your conclusions? No, of course not, because being a Holmes means you take the long way round to get somewhere.”

“I don’t like surprises.”

“Well, in a sense, I’m a bit of a surprise, right?”

“A pleasant one, yes.”

“All right, then. It was just… when I was married, I’d try to do little thoughtful things… it didn’t help, obviously…well, bad analogy, but you know what I mean. I know that in your world, gestures and tokens have hidden meanings, and could quite possibly be used to kill you, but it’s not like that. I swear there’s no voodoo dust or hypnotic drugs in it.”

“Where would you get voodoo dust?”

“Standard disclaimer because I know how suspicious you are. I’m just saying that as much as I have to fit myself into your life, you have to fit yourself into mine… between all the late night visits and conversations, stealing a snog here and there, your place, my place, work, Sherlock… it’s great, but can zap a man’s strength.”

“And this Buzz is going to help with that? I highly doubt it.”

“Well, let’s not call it Buzz. How about something less…energetic. How about Armchair?”

“No one would buy a product with such a ridiculous name.”

“It’s your own personal drink. The non-energy drink for the low energy genius. None of that pesky running about, chasing criminals. Armchair is for the cunning mastermind who runs the world from his lair high above the city.”

“You read too many comics as a young man. To reiterate, I occupy a minor position-”

“Yeah, yeah… you’re just a low level government peon.”

“Well, certainly not a peon. Upper-level at best.”

“We can go over your world domination organisational chart later. Just drink it.”

“There’s no way I can coax you to have a holiday at a nice villa in Spain instead, is there? I do have a few connections…”

“Let me sweeten the pot, since you’re the negotiating type. If you just knock it back, I’ll do something that I don’t want to do in return.”

“Such as?”

“Hm… you know that particular… thing… we discussed the other day? I’d do that for you.”

“Really? Exactly as I described?”

“Keen on it, are you?”

“Quite. Are you sure? You can be very… vocal when rubbed the right way.”

“I know, but I’ll do it for you. Drink up.”

”All right. Down the hatch.”

“…”

“There. Quite disgusting, were I to give a review.”

“You drank it all in one go?”

“Yes. Kale. Horrid.”

“But there’s kale in your refrigerator. Why don’t you just tell Mrs. Landingham to buy spinach instead?”

“I have found that one doesn’t tell Mrs. Landingham to do anything, as she only does what she feels is necessary.”

“She bought coffee ice cream and custard tarts, which are my favourites. And she’s promised me a pudding for this weekend, if I haven’t ‘run screaming’ by then’. She thinks that you will probably drive me crazy before Easter.”

“Rest assured, I have no plans to drive you crazy. At least not in the sense she means. Though, she must have felt a bribe was necessary to keep you from throwing the sheets in the wash without a thought.”

“She told me I was thoughtful and well-mannered.”

“Another victim felled by your charm. I thought she would be immune to such things.”

“Even a retired MI5 agent can appreciate a well brought up bloke like myself. And before you ask, she didn’t tell me, I guessed. No way would a man like you have some random person in charge of all your… you. I’m not stupid.”

“You aren’t, and I do wish you would stop thinking that I think that about you.”

“If you’ll stop thinking of yourself as some damned consolation prize. Really, Mycroft, just…”

“All right, all right. I’m sold, as they say.”

“Then my work here is done.”

“Not quite. I have done as you asked, and if I can be so blunt, that drink was the most vile thing I’ve ever tasted in my life. And I’ve had durian that was sitting in the hot sun for half a day.”

“I don’t want to know about that, do I?”

“You do not. May I collect my winnings tomorrow afternoon? I am free from twelve forty-three to one sixteen.”

“Seriously? How do you even calculate a window of time like that? It’s a bit random, isn’t it?”

“It is the time I have allotted for lunch.”

“Thirty-three minutes? What kind of lunch is that?”

“I generally use the time to rest my mind. Well, to slow it down, and allow myself to regroup. A tune-up, of sorts.”

“See? That smoothie can help with that. Mental acuity.”

“Gregory, please. Let’s just agree to disagree regarding the health claims of that… thing, and focus on the matter at hand.”

“For what you’re proposing, I think we’ll need more time. You are built for comfort, not for speed.”

“Yes, yes, but I need you to keep to the scenario so that we have enough time. Any longer, and it will run into my meeting with the German delegates. I would hate to have to fight for your honour.”

“What the hell kind of meeting are you having?”

“The less you know, the better. What are you wearing?”

“What? Really?”

“Yes. I missed seeing you before you left, and am in need of a visual.”

“You could use the tools at your disposal.”

“Obviously. But then, I would miss hearing you describe it.”

“Nothing to get all excited over. Just pants, shirt, and jacket.”

“I am more detail-oriented.”

“Sorry. Navy worsted trousers. Cotton shirt, white with blue pinstripes, professionally starched and pressed. Jacket is also worsted, and matches the pants. Dark socks. Dark loafers, polished. Oh, and I’m wearing a tie. Navy with a bit of red running through it.”

“In court today, then.”

“Yes. Two cases.”

“Hmm… shame I couldn’t be there.”

“Got a law fetish? Like those wigs, do you?”

“Heavens, no. I have a Lestrade fetish. I like how you lean forward, eyes focused and determined, when you’re trying to make a point. Then, when you’re done, you sit back with a devastatingly endearing smile. The jury can’t help but side with you because you’re so… earnest.”

“Oh, you silver-tongued devil. What are _you_ wearing?”

“Dressing gown.”

“Yeah? I like where this is going. What’s under it?”

“Me.”

“Damn. I did leave too early.”

“A shame, really. All fresh from the shower, too.”

“Nothing under it at all?”

“Not a stitch. Very liberating. You know, I’ve read that olive oil can be used to soften the skin. I seem to have unearthed a bottle right here.”

“Don’t you dare!”

“Hm. That feels quite luxurious. Silky, in fact.”

“Mycroft… stop.”

“What? I’m only protecting my fair skin against the harsh elements. Hm… tastes pretty good, too. Perhaps I should have a case sent from my contact in Italy. Could be useful. I could warm it, and provide a nice massage for you after a rough day at work… I’d start at those lovely broad shoulders, down your back, enjoying the feel of your muscles relaxing at my touch…”

“Stop. Please.”

“I am trying, but I can’t seem to help myself. Could be the ginseng, or perhaps you have finally corrupted me.”

“You think so?”

“Yes. Frightfully so. I am unable to control my impulses when I hear you, see you. It’s very…distracting at times. Like now. I really shouldn’t be sitting here, stroking myself with this oil, but I can’t seem to stop.”

“They’re going to call me in a few minutes. I can’t go in there like this!”

“You are a resourceful man. Perhaps some cold water on your wrists will help your sudden condition.”

“Evil.”

“While not unsympathetic to your plight, I am tempted to see this to its completion. Turn the tables, so to speak. Payback.”

“No.”

“However, unlike you, I do have some self-control. Also, I don’t want you to be distracted while you’re in court, because it’s important that justice be served. Go and do your job, Detective Inspector. I will see you tomorrow at twelve forty-three. Don’t be late. “

“I won’t. Thank you for indulging me with the green drink. And for not indulging yourself just now. I owe you.”

“I look forward to collecting my reward tomorrow. Talk later.”

*click*


End file.
